back to main page

ramblings and site updates (2022):



Over the past couple months, I have been able to reshape and form better understandings of my idea of "passion", and what it means to have.

Let's think of a concept, we'll call it "Fulfillment". It describes contentedness. Now let's give it 2 core components, "Passion" and "Goal". "Passion" can essentially be a way of describing how dedicated one is to something. Meanwhile, "Goal" describes a result.

Truly fulfilling experiences can only come about when these aspects come together, and this is the idea I had been thinking of earlier in my life, not "passion".

And yes, passion can be something that is obtained. Initially, interest is what draws us to something, and the more we learn about that something can cause us to grow more attached to it; become more passionate about it.

"Goal" is more like "outcome"... it can be sought after or just describe what came out of an activity. Goal can be what motivates or drives us to commit to things.

Passion sways Goal...

If you have no further interest or dedication to something, then when you participate in that activity... Goal will have an indifferent or negative outcome.

Goal dictates Fulfillment...

If you feel indifferent or negative about an activity, then it probably won't feel all that fulfilling. That's not to say it had a bad outcome- you might have done something you were proud of or has helped others, but ultimately it would not leave you feeling contented in the long run.

You can change the way you think about these things however. Perspective and mindset are very useful tools because perspective dictates Goal... you can change how you understand things.

(Side note... "Perspective" on it's own could be a topic of rambling in the future)

Mostly, my understanding of "Fulfillment" is a tool to analyze and reprioritize things in your life from a long run point of view, to figure out what is worth your time.

There are factors like importance that come into play as well. It may overrule fulfillment. Fulfillment is not an end all be all, and you do not have to do only fulfilling activities in order to lead a successful life. Sometimes there are just more important reasons to do things, such as maintining good relations or having a stable source of income.

In terms of how I felt about art, I was able to build a passion through new understandings; through learning new techniques to apply for further expression. Then- due to the outcomes being what i saw as positive- lead creating new art pieces to be fulfilling and exciting... which in turn is more motivation to continue doing it. Real passion is being able to look past the hard times and stick through for the possibility of better outcomes.

Experience also plays a big part I found... the more you do something and given enough time, it will get better as long as you are putting the effort into it. Once you understand that, then you can begin to be happy with how things are now, and not how things could be. Patience is a virtue. Just have fun with things now...

Thank you and take care. Hopefully my next writeup will not be on the back burner for so long. These are very important and fulfilling for me to write, since they provide for me a more concrete understanding of my own thoughts.

Posted on Fri, 23 Dec 2022 22:48:10 CST


So excited to bring you all a new album! We worked very hard on DAYDREAMING, and are selling CDs to go along with it. Please consider purchasing for bonus goodies and to support the work and this website! Thank you all, I hope you enjoy.

Posted on Sat, 05 Nov 2022 14:16:30 CST


Still can't get motivated to draw. What about it is so elusive. When this happens it really makes you question whether or not you are cut out for something. I find the only times I enjoy doing art is when it is to accompany something else, not really when it is to stand as it's own work. Usually text or music. It's a personal struggle. I would really like to be able to sketch like my favourite artists, but the passion is still lacking. When there's no passion, why bother. Still. I like to be able to be independent, and it's not that I feel unhappy with my work, I actually am quite pleased with the outcomes. Mental expectations must be high, I am still a rookie. I should remember back when I could not even bring myself to write 2 pieces of music in the span of months. Was that a lack of passion? Is passion obtained? There's a lot to learn. I feel so young. More discussion soon.

Posted on Thu, 20 Oct 2022 02:18:50 CST

Living My Best Life

Living My Best Life - skydev

Sometimes, I feel lonely and inadequate. But I remind myself that there exists nothing I have to live up to, besides myself and honouring what I believe to be right and wrong. Interactions... all but mere social exchanges, of which we assign meaning and value to, aware of or not. The more one means to us, the higher they are valued. Their views, words, opinions. That's respect. Once, I would attempt to appeal to everyone around me; those who gave their time, a resource so invaluable- along the way, I lost respect for myself. Giving up those invaluable resources and not being true to myself. These days it's not so. I have more respect for myself than I have for anyone else. But I know I am not above anyone, and nobody is above me. I appreciate every chance I get to interact with every one of my friends because I have so much respect for each of them, for their own unique ways of going about their lives and inviting me into perspectives unheard of. But I also try to be there for myself as much as I can, just as we should do for others every now and then. Appreciating the little things, being happy with creations; perhaps not just for myself, but for onlookers too. How can we expect to be useful to other people if we cannot even be there for ourselves? We should leave a positive impact ... ... ... After some thought, I decide I have everything I need in life. I go back to feeling good, maybe even a little elated, because I'm doing what I can to live my best life.

Posted on Fri, 16 Sep 2022 05:07:19 CST

Social Resume

sometimes i wish i were more vocal about my interests. not just creative things but the little things like games or really any kind of media (animation, music, video, films, etc.). but i just dont see much of a point in it for some reason. I've rarely gone out of my way to interact with people who like similar things. Maybe it isn't so strange. there are proper times to disclose and discuss interests, and maybe with the way that social sites are it encourages you to try to put up some kind of social resume for the whole world to see. Pretty your image up! let everyone know how relatable you are. guess it's not so different than expectations from the society in the real world. Just that the things you can project and what is acceptable is different, since you can pretty much choose what kind of people you interact with. maybe i just like talking with all kinds of people. Why contain myself to just one type of people? there are so many out there to interact with. If everyone had very similar interests i might just think "well this is kind of boring". or rather, similar opinions on shared interests. i love differing opinions because it opens an opportunity to see new perspectives. Hah, maybe i too am concerned with my own social image. Don't want to scare anyone off from me by telling them (albeit indirectly) i am different from them. even though this should be embraced. as long as it isnt harmful behaviours or interests. Something about the mystique is nice too. About me? Get to know me.

Posted on Sat, 27 Aug 2022 20:25:51 CST

little art page updates

new updates to the art page! it's much easier for me now to just drop pieces in there and have them appear , so i've gone ahead and archived some stuff. there was also a new echo strip. Pinamayaye no.

Posted on Wed, 24 Aug 2022 01:16:28 CST

the online recluse

every so often i get this urge, or at least the thought, of disappearing off of the internet and never returning. or like, becoming an online recluse if that makes sense. just limiting interaction with cyberspace. in some way i've been working towards that. i was never one to really "use" social media outlets. To browse or whatever. just as places to "put myself out there", whatever that means. recently ive been doing a lot of re-evaluation on wtf things mean to me. in previous years i neglected this website for, i dont even know what to be honest. everything gets lost online. i wasted so much of my time doing what? experiencing i guess. in a pursuit of personal pleasures, i neglected a lot of things. these days i keep in contact with only a couple of people. i like this, i prefer this. i am really not interested in making or maintaining more connections. Friendly interactions now and then, sure.

i dont think i would ever stop being online though. computers and internet mean too much to me. they are... invaluable. invaluable little tools that allow us to break free of our local little bubbles, take in and see so much more information. socializing is a strange phenomenon. some of us need it more than others. i dont need it very often. it's quite easy to keep yourself occupied on the computer, Caught up in your own world... and then eventually wanting to interact with other people. Some people i have associated with in the past did not understand this about me. Taking as signs i was distant. well, thats just who i am. I rarely initiate because i do not get the urge to initiate. it does not mean i do not care. it does not mean i will never initiate. If you take problem with who i am then dont interact with me please. im just another guy on the internet. anyway... i dont really know what direction my thoughts are taking this in, but thats just how im feeling right now. there are just more important things to be putting our time and effort into, there's our Moral of the Story or whatever

Posted on Sun, 24 Jul 2022 01:18:45 CST


so i did write something but the power went out while doing that so i lost all the progress whooopdie dooo!!!!! some other time. i have a whole list of writeups i still have to finish.

Posted on Wed, 20 Jul 2022 15:25:43 CST


the 2022 singles take up about as much length as my next album haha... give or take some 10 minutes... intriguing! i am proud to have made this much, and to be very happy with each track. it's fulfilling work outside of a job that is rather unfulfilling. which is a topic i have actually been meaning to explore and talk about, that of fulfillment... i think i will do that when i get home later tonight!

Posted on Tue, 19 Jul 2022 20:25:38 CST


Some day i hope every one will come to appreciate that which they have and is available to them

Posted on Sat, 16 Jul 2022 06:13:49 CST

audioramble archive page

new page for audiorambles (have been recording them and want to continue to create them). see here

Posted on Thu, 14 Jul 2022 22:47:31 CST

Ah social loafing

Ah social loafing (audioramble)

Posted on Sat, 02 Jul 2022 14:47:49 CST

how far must you go to gain respect? ummm... (ctd...)

one reason i love running this ramble microblog is because nothing like that exists here. just free to express myself however i please. and i understand there are people out there who enjoy the things i do, and also, i just love inspiring people! (thank you to everyone who enjoys my work <3 ) so i will continue to use more "mainstream" things. or more platforms to have my work out there for people to discover. but really, it's just nice to be able to archive stuff all in one place, without any frills or whatever. a space just for me! Maybe this which i will leave behind will be appreciated some day. or maybe , some day it will all disappear without much mention! either way, glad to have done it than not at all. Because in the end. it all brings me joy. hehe... here i am talking to myself again... whoever is out there reading, please have a wonderful day...

Posted on Tue, 28 Jun 2022 05:24:08 CST

how far must you go to gain respect? ummm... (ctd..)

i think there is also a point to be made about validation somewhere here. like, looking for validation. OK. things like paying attention to "social media numbers". god. i used to find myself staring and refreshing after posting anything anywhere to see if someone liked it. why? i wanted to see if anyone else liked it of course! but it was sort of an obsessive behaviour. and that's where it becomes a bad thing... like, it's OK to want to know if the things you're doing are getting noticed of course, and how they are received... how else can you know if something is good? but letting that be the only determining factor of quality is pretty shit. i have a friend who says , any sort of reaction , good or bad, is better than no reaction at all. and to this i agree! just do not obsess over it. take input and inspiration from all sorts of places and use it to improve upon yourself. try to be happy with the things you do... and have fun most of all... yes! have fun!

Posted on Tue, 28 Jun 2022 05:01:25 CST

how far must you go to gain respect? ummm... (ctd.)

i get wanting to appeal to most everybody. i do. or wanting to do nice things for people. and generally, if these things you do go appreciated, then i say they would have been worth the while. But do these things because you want to. for your own growth or theirs. maybe you're building up the relationship between you and a friend, a family member, whoever. but dont feel pressured to do anything (unless you really absolutely should, like getting important work done, of course. this is true for most business). Or maybe you just like to see other people happy and prosperous, that's wonderful too. but dont forget that you deserve a bit of that happiness too. what im saying is... do things for yourself. dont rely on other people to complete you, instead, be complementary to each other.

these are just things i have had to tell myself constantly over the years. be disappointed in yourself, dont let others be disappointed with you or be disappointed with others. but be so for good reason. dont get yourself down. just keep trying. recognize shortcomings, and make them overcomings. It can get exhausting to worry for so long...

Posted on Tue, 28 Jun 2022 03:07:48 CST

how far must you go to gain respect? ummm...

stop thinking about what other people think of you. seriously. it can change how you act and people can pick up on that, my friends. but more importantly, you can pick up on that harder than anyone else ever could. thinking things like, "i wonder what this person thinks of me..." or "how will this be reacted to by others?" causes you to second guess everything you do. why should you second guess everything you do? where is that going to get you? Nowhere. there have been so many times i have let myself get caught up in these thoughts, i never even thought to think about myself. what the FUCK do I THINK? ABOUT MY OWN LIFE? ABOUT MY OWN ACTIONS?? this isnt selfish thinking. are you afraid of being selfish? i know i think i am a lot. but to be honest. if you arent there for yourself, who is going to be? you are awesome. and you'd better start believing it buddy. you could move mountains, and do whatever the hell you want. that isnt to say other people should be pushed away, no no. those connections add a whole lot to your life. it's just a matter of if these connections accept you for how you are. how you really are. be honest with people. be honest with YOURSELF. Stop worrying about if other people dont like you. if they dont, then they dont. Take these words from the Abstract himself, "How far must you go to gain respect? Ummm... well it's kinda simple just remain your own, or you'll be crazy sad, and alone". truthfully, if you are able to stand on your feet on your own, it makes you a whole lot nicer to be around. hell, this could go for so much: interpersonal skills, trying to build a presence online (i.e., putting your work out there), and probably more i cant think about right now. this will help you create meaningful connections with, not only others, but also yourself. and these meaningful connections go a long fucking way. have some passion and confidence, and get out there and make some noise. make a fool of yourself. ask naive questions. you've only got so much time on this earth. do what you can to make the most of yours.

Posted on Tue, 28 Jun 2022 02:29:15 CST

the night brings gifts and burdens

i just remembered why i dont like being up this late anymore. it makes me feel sad and alone. i was wondering why these feelings have been coming back as of late, always in these late hours. if i am not occupying myself with working, on a project or otherwise, its just time spent sitting here. doing... nothing. it feels so wasted. not to mention, all the activity happens during the day. people are up and about. so, if i wanted to do anything with other people, such as just conversing or doing an activity with, i cant. it feels so lonely in these hours. funny. sometimes it's preferable. allows for getting things done without distraction, during times when no one is up. so, there isn't much to miss out on. hmm. choosing and prioritizing time for certain activities can be tough. i dont know why the social parts of my brain become active during these times either. maybe its something something , deep rooted habits. ah. change is needed in my life.

on a better note, got to spend some time with some friends i had not spent a good amount of time with in a couple months. it made me appreciate them a lot more. separation can amplify certain feelings of that. hah. just remembering the nice times makes me feel better now. just, that appreciation for what has been experienced already. thank you to everyone who has touched my little heart in some way.

Posted on Sat, 18 Jun 2022 01:37:13 CST

check it ouuuuuut!

there is something so addicting about this instrumental to me. it is not super complex, sampled snippet of joe pass playing giant steps looped for the most part. but the little sounds that go on in the back, and those DRUMS and that BASS ... oh... that bass never gets old... and the drums are so punchy... everything one needs... its always these loopy things that become the most addicting. why is that? maybe it's easy to listen to? i dunno, ive heard plenty of loopy things that get old quick. maybe it is a culmination of elements that you really like... not sure... what i do know though is that i am going through quite a hip hop phase! have been absorbing so much late 80s/early 90s stuff. rap and stuff... ive come to really appreciate this era. old skool! amazing artists from back in the day. i find it funny how many places one can pull inspiration from. the most detached things. my music taste has definitely broadened quite a large amount since i first started. i guess thats a good thing... lots of influences and stuff! for the longest time my largest influence was mostly japanese produced things. video game soundtracks... pop... their jazz fusion... great stuff! but now it is time to broaden the horizons as they say. oh well. i feel like my music is constantly changing and evolving anyway. like... there will be periods where you might make things with some similar contents... and then some time later, what influences your work might have changed... finding this happening with my art right now because i find so many things cool and want to see what works the best for me... i do feel like there is some inconsistency but im not entirely sure its a bad thing, i feel like i am constantly improving. i dont even have a specific goal or anything in mind i just want to make things im happy with. or can say, "yeah, thats good i like that" and then move on to something else. anyway. i have unfinished projects and stuff to finish. and time to waste. doing NOTHING. bye!

Posted on Tue, 14 Jun 2022 22:36:25 CST

DAYDREAMING // (what it's like to work on an album)

i have released a new single - DAYDREAMING ! i am quite proud of it. some sample work and fm stuff... yeah... i have been quite interested in sampling and stuff as of recent. it can be a very unique and special thing... in the case of sampling other people's work, if transformative enough, it's like honouring what they've done and breathing new life into it; for a new audience to enjoy, for a new generation to enjoy. yeah, sometimes it can be somewhat of a grey area... ah, it's all strange stuff...

anyway, this single is an excerpt from the new album i am working on (of the same name). i am excited to announce that i am working on it! no release date as of yet, but rather a general release window of late 2022. working on an album is exciting... slowly gathering a collection of music, some day releasing them all as one big package! the most difficult part is not sharing anything!! but we have to think in the long term. the payoff is much larger and more rewarding when everything is done and good to go. that said... i do have some people i share with... to get opinions or otherwise... that outlet to share is great and i am very grateful for those said people. evaluate your values everyone! what and who really mean the most to you? keep them around. be well!

Posted on Sun, 12 Jun 2022 14:12:03 CST

music page updaterers hmmm

the music page is being worked on! it is not yet finished but i am letting my progress be known. this is what i will be working on occasionally (slow webmaster at work). i hope you find it interesting.

Posted on Fri, 20 May 2022 15:53:46 CST

more site updaterers

now more layout changes, it looks way nicer when it doesnt take up the whole screen i think. it does also change when the screen gets smaller though. i think it looks quite nice :) updated the echo page as well, it is way nicer now (i was not a huge fan of how wonky it used to be but now it is coool)

Posted on Fri, 06 May 2022 21:12:11 CST

touch grass

i feel a desire to let you all know i am not on discord right now. and havent been for a little bit. Not dead just kind of wanting to get away again while keeping in touch on other platforms. Things feel a lot healthier for me this way. And give me a different kind of appreciation of other people. i feel like ive sort of lost that. i want to get in touch with that again. maybe being somewhat distant is not terrible, please try to understand me

Posted on Thu, 14 Apr 2022 23:56:09 CST

twitter crossposting update

was this post crossposted onto twitter? yes! new thing. new entries will be posted on to a new twitter account . i felt like doing this for no other reason than, i thought it would be a fun side project. it was cool. now that is there and i can retweet easily and anyone can follow it there instead of here or using an rss reader WHATEVer ,,, OK bye

Posted on Thu, 14 Apr 2022 07:00:21 CST

explore ART

i wanna get better at doing , digital art... used to draw with a little drawing tablet but haven;t in a while, should probably get back into doing that. for a long time now have felt a desire to create art of higher quality. as much as i love minimalistic, or retro aesthetics (in music or art), i WANT to expand my scope. Get comfortable but not too comfortable you know? do new things. Did it with music and i never turned back. You can learn so many things and apply new knowledge to things you did before. oh, it's so fun. ive talked about it before but , i feel a need to mention it again. Expect some future art to be little experimental while i figure things out :)

Posted on Wed, 13 Apr 2022 20:21:13 CST

i accidentally had a thought

i never think up anything good when im sitting here in my room like. No great thoughts. ok my thoughts arent all that great anyway but it seems that whwen i am in the car or shower the best thoughts come to mind. maybe its because i have nothing better to do? like, when im sitting here at the computer, i have a COMPUTER in front of me. i can entertain myself however i please, whenever i please!! no time for thoughts like "whats up with chalk where did that come from how did anyone think oh yeah today ill just take this little rock and use it to colour on this other little rock woaaah!!!" . or maybe. Should we let ourselves get bored more often? huh. i think so. boredom drives something... makes us wanna do things... new things?

Posted on Tue, 12 Apr 2022 16:36:14 CST

new bandcamp stuff!!

big updates to my bandcamp! i compiled so much. all things from 2020 now in one big album, and everything else from 2021 was compiled into it's own album there (with improved / enhanced audio for some tracks, personally i believe it is the definitive way to listen to those tracks)... and ive just started on the 2022 stuff. though that is gonna probably change as the year goes on but... FINALLY! Have that stuff on there !! Buy or not , up to you , i appreciate every purchase, and as said once before... every penny from there goes back into this website !! Sort of a nice economy. Thank you so much!! even if just listening!! and sticking with me through my journey the past 3 years

Posted on Sun, 10 Apr 2022 08:47:14 CST

Site Update: April 2, 2022: new page who dis

hello and welcome to april, also this new homepage layout !! ive been wanting to do more with this website as ive expressed, MANY times in the past. but ive been getting the motivation to work on it again and it's pretty good ! ! ! i have some more stuff planned , mostly to get all of the other pages to work with this layout... mostly i just want the little bar on the left and the top marquee to persist and have site content load on the big content part there. anyway yeah hi this is where these posts will go from now on. right on the main page!! hello everyone!! just thought it would be better this way. it is sill an RSS feed by the way! is the location. im just getting all the rss items and spittin em out nice here for reading. thank you!

Posted on Sat, 2 Apr 2022 08:35:27 CST

Rambling: March 8, 2022: The 2022

Hey! been a while. stuff happening i suppose... got a new computer which has been REALLY nice. everything is so much faster to do now. so smooth. when was the last time i did one of these, october? yeesh. not that i don't have time to run this site because i DO, but, i suppose i just got a little bit lazy. but im back! doing so much music too. one thing i have been doing however is archiving my stuff in the other section of the website. i didn't forget to do that, haha. i will be uploading a ton of art to the art section as well, since i have been forgetting to do that. anyway, just thought i should post an update or something. Still alive! still going to be doing stuff here in the future, even if it is Very painfully slow

Posted on Tue, 8 Mar 2022 14:17:07 CST